Most people will agree that it is more likely that people will be interested in forming a relationship with another person, if they are clear about the values such person will bring to such relationship. This also applies to intimate relationship. The value you bring to a relationship may determine the level of appreciation you receive, and what is committed to your hand by your partner or spouse. For example, someone may choose to invest excess funds with banks or in investment instruments rather than give it to the spouse for business, because of the belief that such banks will deliver and multiply the value of the funds to the benefit of the relationship or marriage. Values can be measured in terms of money, time, care, companionship, wisdom, knowledge, love, peaceful home environment, being the ‘driver’, ‘cook', or providing care for children or aged parents, etc. A well-communicated benefit and value will certainly promote mutual respect among couples and go a long way to reduce skirmishes that could lead to intimate partners violence. An essential part of any intimate relationship is for the persons involved to experience the level of intimacy that meets each partner's need. If the needs are not being met, the relationship may degenerate or even collapse. This is supported by Biffault’s Law ( Read more ) which says that, “The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place.” One can then ask, how does the understanding of the above affects the way men and women perceive values or benefits and the way they express appreciation in relationship? Also, does it mean all marriage relationships should be transactional? I see the second part of the above notion as not only true for females but for males too, however the practice of altruism by couples can produce mutually beneficial marriage relationship. No matter how one sees this, it is key to pay attention to whatever you bring to a relationship that is making your partner or spouse to love you so much or be so ‘crazy’ about you, more so that will make them want to be with you or be very eager to return home to meet you. Those things could be your values that endear you to your partner. If you can identify these things, you need to nurture them and review them from time to time because they may change due to change in circumstances. For example, if it is financial provision or supply, what happens if he or she loses the job or source of income? If it is caring for the children, then what happens when the children become adults and leave home? If it is quality advise or full-time carer for spouse or/and family member, what happens when this role is no longer needed? Couples need to review these values regularly, in their marriage relationship journey, to confirm it is still relevant, needed and appreciated. Relevance is key at every stage of marriage relationship; so be always relevant! What is important here is that the value you bring to the table must be beneficial to your partner or spouse. Find that thing that she or he does not have that only you can provide. Since marriage is supposed to be for life, develop values that will last well into old age. Regular marriage or relationship review should include how partners would like to be appreciated or what appreciation means to each partner. Remember, good character and virtuous values endear! Should you wish to discuss this further or you wish to explore any question you may have on this subject with a Couple and Family Counsellor, please feel free to contact us at The Barnabas Mission. Email: office@the barnabasmission.org or call us on +234 811 377 7009. John Bola Okerinde ©️ Blissfulmates
Values you bring to any human relationship is responsible for your relevance in that relationship , the same thing is applies to marriage relationship. Love is the foundation of marriage relationship while values forms other necessity for successful total marriage. Thanks for the Write up, it is very educative.
Good article, thank you. I have few questions on this law or mind-set; 1) Should marital relationship based on value added to the relationship. 2) What should the couples do if one the partners thinks his or her partner no longer adding any value to the relationship? 3) Where is unconditional love? 4) How do we measure relevance of value added at each points of their relationship?
What's the definition of value adding? Can it be all known at point of marriage? I remember a story in the bible where Lot made a decision based on perceived value adding venture and we all know how Lot ended up
Thought on how valuable or values one can bring to relationship is colossal indeed. There is an adage that says most people do not value what they have until they lose it telling us that beauty is in d eyes of beholder. Having said that we must go into the basis of God in marriage for he commanded man to love his wife in Christ and the spouse to be submissive. This template will make either partner in marriage to appreciate whatever values either is adding to the relationship for we have occasions where either will do most possible and sill not appreciated. Also, the scripture talks about being virtuous character and attitude which Christian woman should possess, and this should be enough values desirable in Christian marriage. Other added values outside Christ can be eye service, transient or begging for acceptability which might not be enduring. Whatever values either spouse is adding to relationship should be taken as what God said that he or she desire in as much as we seek the face of God before venturing into such association. A virtuous woman is always flexible and adaptable to be more appreciable in relationship till death do them apart as life is dynamic and not static in nature. Thank you for the write-up.
